Growing up is hard to do.

The interview went extremely well. My immediate boss called me about 5 minutes after it was over, while I was driving away, to tell me what a great job I did. She is really pushing for me (or should I say pushing me) to take this job. I know she knows I can do it but I'm thinking she just wants to get someone in the position so that it frees her up. Which I don't blame her but I'm on the other end of it so I'm feeling real anxious about it. It's so much responsibility. Kev and I have talked about it and he's been really supportive. I've been outright crabby and spacey throughout the past 2 weeks. We've talked about how it would benefit the family - financially, but at the same time I believe it has the ability to not benefit the family - less time to spend with them, not as easy to take time off for vacations. I've made a mental list of the pros and cons but have yet to actually put them down on paper.

Pros
a sizeable jump in pay
more clout for my resume'
not as boring as my current position

Cons
a sizeable jump in responsibility
on-call all the time (except for vacations)
in order to get time off or a vacation it is my responsibility to manage it
no down time (sometimes boring is good)
40-50 hour work week (and sometimes more) compared to my 35 hour work week now
will probably miss out on doing some things (ie. camping, going out with friends, going to the gym regularly, etc.)

I'm going to need to get used to a new schedule. Sun-Thurs work week vs a Mon-Fri work week. Which I'm not sure goes in the cons list cuz I think I'll be okay with it once I get used to it. It will just be a bummer when Kev goes camping and I can't go. I'll still be able to go out to the campsite with him but I'll have to hike home Sat. night instead of sleeping over which won't be fun.
Is this all part of growing up? I feel if I don't take it I'm going to let a good opportunity pass me by but on the otherhand I've been working at this same house for 8 years and have seen 5 managers come and go. Am I sealing my fate? But even if I leave in 2 or 3 years I'll still have the experience under my belt that I won't have if I don't take it. I'm so distraught over this. And if I'm this distraught over it now is it going to go away or am I destined to be distraught for a long time to come because of the decision I make, either to take it or not.
'Be careful what you wish for' comes to mind. Not very long ago I really started thinking about finding a new job. I even filled out a couple applications but nothing came of them. Guess I got what I wanted.
I really hope that this grey cloud of uncertainty goes away.

Kev had the day off yesterday and I tried like hell to let it all go but I don't think it's in my makeup to be able to do that. My brain just automatically goes right back to the same thoughts of whatever it is that is major in my life at that time. I really wanted to just be free of my thoughts for a few hours in order to enjoy my time with him. I did enjoy having him around, although I'm not sure he enjoyed being around me. I wasn't mean I was just quiet, in fear of saying something mean. :) Arrrrgh!

And to make it a little more interesting this is all happening on the cusp of Kev changing shifts - winter to spring. At least I get to look forward to seeing him more, I think.
One more thing I've also thought of is that Ky is growing up too. Which at first I thought was another reason why I could take the job since he's more independent now and able to be on his own more. But should I really be giving a 'new to teenagehood' boy more time to himself or is this a recipe for disaster? I think if Ky wasn't the type of kid he is I would be a lot more concerned about this aspect of it. However I do think that I'm going to feel bad about him spending too much time alone.

Anyhow, on a lighter note, we (Kev and I) went for sushi in Boston last night. We checked out a restaurant on Newbury St., Shino Express. Very tiny, they probably can fit about 30 people in the small room. They pride themselves on being 'express'. Which they were. They have an assembly line of sushi chefs. They don't serve alcohol and last night I guess I saw that as a bad thing but I think they cater more towards business types needing quick lunch, not alcohol. And the best thing about this place was that they make their sushi with brown rice. Which made it a bit different tasting but in a good way. A bit sweeter almost. Some of their rolls, like the rainbow, I felt, had too much rice but you could always take some off. The prices were excellent. We spent $80 (tip included) which seems like a lot but remember I went with Kev and he tends to go over board and last night was no exception. We definitely had plenty of leftovers. All in all it was very good and we'd go again but not until we've checked out other sushi restaurants.
Afterwards we stopped at a bar/cafe' called Global. We sat and waited for a phone call. I got a G&T and got a hankering for a cream puff (shocking!) so I made a phone call to get directions to the North End where there is amazing pastry shops. We went to Mike's because this is the place we were told is the best. Although, if I go back to that area, I will definitely be checking out the other not as popular shops. Then we walked a million miles to get to where we were going. Ugh! I did feel better about not making it to the gym though. :)

Next interview on Wednesday with the Vice President of the agency.

More later.............